Siri Parenting

I have come to the conclusion that most of my parental instructions could be replaced by a digital version of me, programmed to say the same phrases over and over. Here are some examples of my so-called 'Siri Parenting' (disclaimer: may contain exaggerated or frankly nonfactual information):

1. "Less chatting; more chewing." (At mealtime)

2. "You talk too much." (Any other time)

3. "Clean your room. No, you may not play with the 'new' things you find."

4. "Stop playing Cain and Abel. You are fighting over something dumb."

5. "Keep your seat in your seat while you eat."

6. "Life's not fair, and 'fair' does not mean what you think it means. It is not synonymous with 'get what I want.'"

7. "You're crying over that? Life has so many more difficult challenges awaiting you."

8. "Unless you're wearing a race number, no one gives out awards for being first."

9. "Television will suck IQ points right out of you."

10. "No, you may not get something from Starbucks; caffeine stunts your growth."

11. "Sweetheart, if we keep every paper you came home with, we'd be neck-high by now."

12. "Treat me with the same respect you would your teachers."



With these handy Siri Parenting phrases, I simply need a robot to do the chauffeuring, laundry, yard, cooking, and housekeeping, and I could veritably escape to the mountains unnoticed

Here are some of my favorite parenting tidbits from others:

Bill Cosby: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it."

Christy Arnold (my sister-in-law): "How about you go outside and play in traffic?"

Kim Holloway: "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit."

Karen Robert (my mom): "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I still revisit that one from time to time...

Do you have any classics of your own? 

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