My debt

There is a passage in Acts where Peter, shortly after the ressurection of Christ, tells the good news of the gospel to a crowd of people. They suddenly realize that they've crucified the Son of God, and the scripture says,

"When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, 'Brothers, what shall we do?'"

Peter replies with "Repent and be baptized every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children, and for all who are far off-- for all whom the Lord our God will call."

This was a call I answered one Sunday morning in February 1992, after almost two decades of self-declared atheism. I am grateful for the gift of salvation that has been offered to me.

I do struggle, however, with reclaiming that sense of gratitude, and recognizing my ongoing need for God. I tend to be fairly logic-driven and unemotional, and I am not often "cut to the heart." When it does happen, though, I've made a habit of writing down a reminder of my shortcomings, that I may revisit it in my prideful moments. I actually keep it in my Blackberry that I may refer to my debt (logically). A good friend asked me to post it:

Without Jesus, I am:

quick to anger, prone to rage, harsh, hurtful, unkind, judgmental, prone to curse others, self-serving, jealous, headstrong, unforgiving, critical, confrontational, an instigator of conflict, exasperating, impatient, ashamed, guilty, arrogant, proud, condemning, and condemned.

With Jesus, I am:

forgiven, beautiful, a daughter of the king, loving, worthy of love, patient, kind, a servant to others, humble, clean, new, equipped, filled with joy, at peace, and ready for departure.

I only hope those who know me will see less of me and more of the reflection of God and His Son.